Screw Prince Charming (and I don’t mean literally)

Stop going after what you think you want, and really think about what you need.
It’s not prince charming.
Because let’s look at the reality of this charming prince…
This unbelievably handsome man arrives on a horse and sweeps you away from all that is real and difficult and LIFE!
He takes you to a castle where you are completely divorced from reality.
And he does what?
He’s hot.
And what else?
What real life qualities does he possess that you actually need?
Besides arm-candy looks and a castle to sit in… and be bored.

I have been swept off my Prince Charming. Several of them.

One came in to my life during a moment of major weakness when all I wanted to do was escape! And he let me. I escaped into his reality of beautiful homes and cars and jewelry and trips and dinners and stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff!
But beyond the showy giant-sized bronze entry doors and sleek imported marble floors, was a very different reality. One within which I was not encouraged, and even shamed, ridiculed, and relentlessly put down for being me.
While I held fast to the dichotomy of my quirky, outspoken, delicate identity, in time that was chipped away. Soon I didn’t recognize me.

And then there was the prince charming whose looks and charm truly were out of a storybook. And I became the do’er, the provider, the achiever, the one who was responsible for being responsible.

And that didn’t work either…

I’m not trying to be the princess and the pea, what I’m saying is that you need to get back to reality!

Screw prince charming! What do you really, honestly, NEED in a relationship?
And I’m not just talking about what would be fun, or nice, or exciting Today, Next Month, or even next Year.
If you are serious about finding something serious, something lasting, something real…

Then get REAL!

Think about what you need when it comes to sharing a life with another person. Do your values align? Do you feel safe, sexy, seen, intellectually stimulated, respected, admired, supported- emotionally/financially… whatever is important to you. And do you feel that way about them? Are you able to truly be you- I mean you at your weakest, not pretty, not fun, not “on,” not perfect, not presentable… and still feel loved and supported and safe and seen?
Can you really let down your hair, or put it up in a messy (and not the sexy type of messy) ponytail, walk around in sweats, and forget the makeup- both metaphorically and in reality?

SO screw prince charming!
You want more than arm candy, a castle that seems so perfect… from the outside or a total escape from reality.
Because while all of those sound sexy in the moment, if you truly want your happily ever after, you need to think about 1, 5, 20 years from now when shit gets hard and life gets real and neither of you are at your best.

Who then do you want by your side?