Do you feel overwhelmed online? Do you feel like you’re throwing spaghetti at the walls and hoping something will stick? Do you feel like there are no good, high-quality, your-type prospects? Do you wonder why you’re getting few to zero responses? If you can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong and you are ready to experience online dating success… You’ve come to the right place. Online dating is no longer a numbers game. It’s a strategy. A no-games, smart, efficient, and effective pre-qualifying strategy that includes profile mapping, photo analyzing, and asking specific questions in order to elicit substantive responses. Simultaneously, online dating is your opportunity to Show and Tell who you are and what a life with you would look like. But before you get online, you have to be honest with yourself. Think about: What’s your dating purpose? Fun, Self-Exploration & Expansion, Serious Relationship Or maybe you’re recently out of a relationship and really, all you are ready for right now is to see that there really are other pretty great fish in the sea… You’re not actually ready to date, but you are excited to window shop. How are you presenting yourself? What are you revealing? Let me tell you: the best version of yourself. That being said, this isn’t your opportunity to create the ultimate advertisement to sell yourself to everyone and make everyone fall for you. Instead, it’s an invitation to attract certain people- the right people, while simultaneously turning off the wrong people. Here’s Your Online Dating Strategy to Find Love Online:
- Define Your Dating Purpose.
- Write your profile towards that purpose: You want to revealsomething about yourself that comes from your core values, your essence, who you really are. If you have something fun or funny about yourself, share that. The last thing you want to write is a bland, canned, throwaway profile that says nothing. The purpose is to start pulling back your onion, exposing a side of you that makes the reader feel like he has seen something that might not come across in your photos, or maybe something that makes him feel like he “gets” you, and definitely something that makes him intrigued by you.
- Narrow the Playing Field! THE most essential, but often ignored strategy when it comes to online dating is ELIMINATION. Yes, one of the benefits of online dating is that you are expanding your reach, and jumping into a huge pool of potential partners; still it’s important now narrow your options. The way that you write your profile, the things that you say is your first opportunity to edit out the people who will, in the end, be a waste of your time since they aren’t right for you and never were from the very beginning. You can try to narrow your reach within the preferences section: age, location, height, weight, smoker, etc… But many people actually ignore those preferences, plus it doesn’t address some of the more important particulars and personality types. So you need to take a proactive approach and actually turn off the wrong people, while simultaneously turning on the right people.
- Extract Their Purpose: Because you know your dating purpose, you now want to examine their profile to make sure that they are on the same purpose. Or else it’s simply not a fit from the get go and you need to delete them.
- Profile Mapping: This is how you set your standards and compare each person using the same strategy, and it’s your first pre-qualifying opportunity. Train your eye to “map” every profile in the same way, scanning for your specific relationship needs based on priority. What are your priorities? Career, kids, religion, health, interests, education? If your main criteria isn’t fulfilled… delete. NOTICE that I didn’t say “looks.” You should look at the photos LAST. Remember that each element of someone character and characteristics should be weighed appropriately. When it comes to lasting love, does looks really rate higher than core values? Turn off the lights, can you have a conversation?
- Look At Their Photos (but not their face): Once you start looking at their photos… before you look at their face, examine their environment, activities they are doing, other people, places and things pictured with them. Everything in their photos help to show and tell who they are and what their lives look like.
- Now look at their photos. You’re welcome.
- Start communicating. If they sent the first message- great! If not, send them a short message (not a wink or instant message), referencing something from their profile that you relate to. Make sure to also ask a question, giving them a reason to respond. DO NOT just say “you’re hot, let’s meet!” I will go into more details on communication in a future article.
- For Your Protection, do your research! If you start communicating with someone who are interested in, before giving any personal information- like your last name, phone number, place of business, or email address, first use google images to help you do a little background checking.
- Schedule a Phone Date! If after several substantive back and forth email messages you’re still intrigued, schedule a phone date. This should truly be like a date- set a time, then talk for as long as one hour. Be real and revealing. If, by the end of the call you’re STILL interested, set a date!
Yes, it’s a strategy and it seems like it’s a lot to think about. But once you get the hang of it, you will find that this prequalifying technique actually helps to make your online dating experience more efficient, effective, and fun!