Have you been stuck in a dating dry spell? If you haven’t had a decent date with a guy in some time, chances are you are putting out some pretty non-inviting vibes- intentionally or not. It’s time to emerge from the rut and embody a sexy, sassy, seductive, attract-any-guy-I-want attitude!
Does that sound intimidating?
Maybe even impossible?
Here’s how to get back in the groove and on your game:
(“Screwing The Rules: The-No-Games Guide to Love”… my new book is FILLED with advice on how to be your best self, love from the inside out, find, get and keep your guy, and break up with him if you have to… then start all over again)
1. ASK YOURSELF: “WOULD I DATE ME?”
I want you to ask yourself this question: “Would I date myself?” Take an honest look at who you are, how you act, what issues from your past linger in your present, do you engage in self-sabotaging activities, is your inner voice your best friend or worst enemy, are you comfortable being you, what do you stand for…? Before being ready to be in a healthy relationship, you have to focus on you first. Accept or fix your issues. Embrace your baggage. And work on becoming your best self. Once you are able to look at yourself and think “Yeah, I’d date me. I’m a pretty fantastic catch…” then do this:
2. CHANGE YOUR MIND AND YOUR HEART AND LIFE WILL FOLOW
Don’t “try” to enjoy yourself. Don’t “try” to get out of your box. Just do it. Make a decision. “Trying” is a pre-emptive excuse for failure or not doing it at all. Do your best. Have zero excuses. If you don’t find success, make a midcourse correction and try a different tact. Keep at it until you do find success.
3. PUT OUT THE OLD FLAMES AND LIGHT A NEW FIRE
It’s time to clear out old flames and residual baggage! Out with the old and in with the new, attractive and incredibly exciting. Think about who in your life have you been holding onto for really no reason at all? Who doesn’t serve you anymore? Who is more of a burden? Who transformed from being a crush to just a crutch? Who makes you feel used? Who is just a booty call to you (or you are to them)? Think about… is being a booty call serving me? Is it hurting me? You’ve heard the saying that you can’t open a new door until the old door is shut. Time to clear those closets of old baggage and refresh your love life. Why? Because you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. You deserve to love and be loved. Starting now!
4. GET A MIRROR
If you can’t figure out why you keep attracting these guys who are manic, obsessive, partiers, workaholics or lacking drive and direction, look in the mirror. The people you attract are often a reflection of yourself, a mirror image. Think about if you really want a mirror image of you. Would you date yourself? Fix yourself first. Then you’ll attract a great guy- just as great as you.
5. GET CLEAR ON YOUR CORE VALUES
Before you are truly ready to find the right guy for you, you first have to take a real, deep, hard, honest look at yourself. Who you are? What’s most important to you? Where do you stand when it comes to priorities in life? What do you stand for? …your Core Values- the values that you will not budge on. They are your foundation. Once you are clear on that, then you will better be able to decipher if your potential guy’s beliefs align with yours, if you stand on the same ground.
6. GET A LIFE
You complete me is horseshit. You don’t want him to be the center of your universe. And he doesn’t want to be that either. “But every guy wants to be doted on by their partner…” you think. Well doting is one thing. Needy and having your world revolve around his is another. Not to mention that it’s a lot of pressure! And it’s anything but sexy.
So what is sexy? Having a life. In other words…:
-You’re busy, driven, self-sufficient, and autonomous with your own interests.
-You’re interesting. You have things going on that contribute to high-quality conversations.
-You have something to contribute to the relationship.
How do you get a life? By expanding your interests. Taking classes. Getting gout of your box. Trying 1 thing new every single day. Find your passion. Take up a hobby that excites you. Become excited about your career again. As Katy Perry says: “Stand for something, or you will fall for everything.”
7. BE “THAT CHICK”
You know that chick who enters a room and you (and everyone else) can’t help but notice her? What is it about her that attracts so much attention? What energy does she radiate? How does she carry herself? What is she wearing? What type of facial expression does she present? How does she make you feel? Generally “that chick” is smiling. She is confident. Her chin is up, shoulders back, and she makes eye contact with everyone. She is warm and invites others to be in her presence. She is deliberate with her moves, almost catlike. Instead of pushing her energy out and at you, she pulls you into hers. She might not be a natural beauty, but she takes care of herself and is well put together- whether she is in jeans and a t-shirt or an evening gown.
I want you to get a very clear picture of “that chick” in your mind. Then write down her traits, give her a name, and finally embody that chick when you go out.
8. GET OUT THERE!
– Gym junkie? Get outside and learn something new: hike, walk the boardwalk, go to the ice rink, join a snow-shoeing meet-up group. Work different muscles and have an open heart. Sweating together has been shown to initiate chemistry.
– Try a new place. Instead of going to the bar where “everyone knows your name,” try a new place. Talk to people. Ask questions as if you’re a tourist–we tend to be more social when on vacation.
– Take a class in a topic that doesn’t interest you. Intimidated by technology? Go to the Apple store and take one of their group classes. Enroll in a CPR class. Try a cooking workshop. Have a positive attitude and be open to learning (and meeting someone).
– Talk about what you know. Wine snob? Go to a big wine store and walk around perusing the bottles. If you see a potential partner who looks lost or confused, offer some suggestions.
9. GET ONLINE
Online dating is a strategy. It requires prequalifying, specific questions asked, and profile mapping. I know it’s a “whole new dating world out there…” and I can help make it not just “less scary,” but fun. If you’ve never done it, you might be intimidated by it. If you’ve done it and had a bad experience with it, you might be repelled by it. If you believe that the best way to meet your Mr Right is “naturally” where you will have a better gauge of your chemistry before committing to a date, you might be dismissive of it.
… Get over it.
Online dating gives you the opportunity to date- a lot! Translation: practice makes perfect right? PLUS You will develop an Attitude of Abundance- possibly the most powerful tool.
10. GET AN ATTITUDE OF ABUNDANCE
Even if you aren’t dating several guys and you really don’t have any other viable prospects, you still need to have an attitude of abundance. The operative word being “attitude.” This is about putting off the energy that, while you think this guy is fantastic and you truly do hope it works with him, there truly are plenty of fish in the sea and you can easily pull another guy just as great or better than he is if need be. An attitude of abundance is an attitude of confidence. It’s a knowing that you are a valuable commodity. Yes- you are worth something. As is your time and the energy that you put into the moment of being on this date. To clarify: an attitude of abundance is not an attitude of arrogance. It is not about juggling, screwing, messing with, or being careless with multiple minds and hearts. Sure you might be dating multiple people at once, but the purpose is to become clear with what you need and want in a partner, honing in, then making a choice. After all, how can you make a selection if you don’t have any options?