Attracted to “Bad Boys?” Here’s Why. And How to Find “Good Guys” Sexy

Wondering why you’re attracted to bad boys? I explain why and what you can do to be attracted to guys who are actually good for you.

The Real Reason Why Women Are Attracted to Bad Boys

Women are attracted to men. Unfortunately, it’s often thebad boys who are the ones who are more masculine. But more than that, what makes you fall so hard and fast for those bad boys?

-They have an opinion and they both own it and express it.

-They grab you and passionately make out with you.

-They make you feel safe, because they are in control.

And that’s sexy!

Nice guys… they are often more gentle. They don’t want to offend you, scare you, or disrespect you. So instead they are sweet, kind, appropriate. They come across ad Prince Charming.

But guess what: we don’t always want Prince Charming! We are more turned on by Tarzan! It’s the balance that is essential. Yes, there are nice guys who are also manly men. It’s finding them, or better yet, telling the nice guys what you want, how you want them to treat you, and giving them permission to be masculine around you that’s the secret.

Ladies who are attracted to bad boys: if you’re sick of being treated like shit, then stop succumbing to the superficial pull of the bad boys who don’t adore you, don’t make you a priority, and don’t want a future with you; and start focusing on opening your heart to true and deep love with good guys who will not just treat you right, but amazingly well.

Now, I’m not saying that you should shut down your sexual needs with Mr. Magnetic and settle for “Mr. Right” just because he’s a good guy and he’s crazy for you. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t fall for the quick fix, the instant high, the bad guy who will slay your heart and trap you in a drug-like state of fantasy.

So what are you supposed to do?

Pre-qualify.

By pre-qualifying your dates first, you have the opportunity to really get to know a guy before you go out with him, thereby affording yourself the opportunity to see if he has the potential of being a true match—one who is good for you, good to you, and who you’re attracted to (it just might be a more gradual and less intense—at first. Build.). Or if he is made of red flags but just—and I really do mean that he’s “just,” as in only—so damn sexy. That guy, the “so damn sexy” guy who is bad for you and who you know from the get-go is never going to be able to be the guy you need despite the fact that you want him right now, is who you really should immediately knock off your list of potentials and not go out with. Because if you do, you risk getting wrapped up in the ecstatic rapture of just chemistry and you are pretty much postponing your purpose: to find true and deep and real love and intimacy.

Don’t accept crumbs!

You’re better than that. Bad boys, truly bad boys, know that you are so chemically attracted to them that you will willingly accept the mere crumbs of emotion, time, and energy that they throw your way. It makes you fiend for more, waiting for the next nibble that he offers you before he disappears yet again, not allowing you to get your fill and making you want- to the point of obsess over- more.

Stop looking for what you want, and get what you need.

You will never be satisfied if you continue to get only what you want. What do you actually “need” in a relationship? Once you shift from “want” to “need,” you will find that within your needs, you can also get what you want. But you have to change your focus first. Define your “needs” in a relationship. These are the things that your relationship needs to survive long-term. If it doesn’t have these things it is unsustainable and will die. A few examples? Sexy, safe, seen, communication, loyalty, shows up, respect, mutual adoration, mutual admiration, shared core values, trust. It’s time to stop fixating on the superficial: hot, rich, funny, edgy, popular, powerful, etc, and start to find your true needs sexy.

Flip your perspective of good guys.

Instead of thinking “he’s great, but . . .” try to focus on what is actually great about him! Now, think about all of the guys who you have fallen for—hard—who have been horrible for you. Did you fixate on the positives in order to make him fit into your idea of perfection as you justified why you are interested in him just because he’s hot or rich? For all of those bad guys who you finally realized (or not) that they were not a fit, create a list of negatives about them and fixate on those instead of the fantasy that they never did and never will live up to.

Communicate!

Let the good guy you’re dating that it turns you own when he takes control and orders for you at dinner, when he grabs you and makes out with you, when he is in charge! Let him know your boundaries when it comes to texting, calling, and seeing each other. If he contacts you to the point of annoying you, let him know that!- in a gentle and feminine way. How? Tell him that you want to miss him. That it’s sexy when he does X, and it turns you on when he does Y. Tell him that you want him to talk dirty to you in the bedroom. Dirty talk can transform your sex life AND your relationship in an instant!

Don’t believe me? Think about this: Who have you dumped (or passed up on completely) for stupid reasons? But once they were taken you questioned why you dumped him for such a dumb reason? “And then they got married and they defined happy marriage and amazing husband. All of them. And you are still single and wishing hadn’t messed it up!