by ScrewingTheRules Dating Coach Laurel House
You know me… I’m Laurel House– your Dating Coach and Flirting Expert. Steve Hansen is a Life Coach, Male Mind Expert, and the “He Said” to my “She Said.” See what we say when it comes to… Having Sex on the 1st Date.Why She Said/He Said, instead of He Said/She Said? Because “She” comes first…
Sex is a personal and private matter and not something that someone else can dictate. In fact, no one should have power or influence over your decision as to whether or not you should have sex on the 1 st date, 5 th date, 90 th day, or wedding day- not your best friend, your mom, your mentor, or the person you are going to have sex with. Only you can make the decision as to when the time is right for you.
Want to have first date sex?
If that’s what you want… fine. There are couples who have sex on the first date and end up in totally healthy, enduring relationships that lead to happy and fulfilling marriages, just as there are people who had sex on the first date and never spoke again, just as there are couples who waited until they were in a committed relationship and broke up after a few months, just as there are couples who don’t have sex and don’t go beyond date 8. But IF you want to up your chances of being respected after, having the sex turn into a relationship, and not beating yourself up for doing it: have emotional intimacy BEFORE physical intimacy. If you pre-qualified effectively first, you’ve already started building that emotionally intimate relationship.
*Are you single? Here are 5 Reasons Why …*
So what’s the rhyme and reason? There isn’t one. Here are the facts:
-Most first dates don’t turn into relationships.
-Having sex once in a committed relationship doesn’t guarantee that you’ll stay together.
-Having sex is an emotional and physical act that can help bond your connection and simultaneously be a lot of fun.
*You CAN be sexy without having sex! It’s all about Flirting! Learn How to Flirt Here*
Here are the Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to sex:
-DO Have protected sex– Use a condom.
-DO Protect yourself emotionally. Communicate your honest expectations before the deed is done.
-DO Prequalify him first. As the right questions, get emotionally raw, be authentic, get to know each other on a deep level.
-DO Open your mouth before you open your legs. Communicate. Talk about your dating purpose so you can gauge if you’re on the same page.
-DO Have fun and let go! If you’re not going to be there emotionally, don’t go there physically. Either commit full on to the act or save it for later. Make a decision- which means to decide yes or no, not “I don’t know… I guess ok.”
-DON’T Feel pressured. ONLY have sex if YOU really want to have sex. It’s your decision.
-DON’T Regret. If you’re going to regret it, don’t do it! If you are questioning if you should do it and you feel like you should stop it- don’t have sex!
-DON’T Assume you’re in a relationship after. If you know that you normally become attached after you have sex- don’t have sex yet!
Sex can be an emotional glue. But if you’re not comfortable going there yet, then don’t.
***Ready to get raw on the 1st date? Not sure about how to have that amazing first date that secures a second and sets you up for a substantive relationship? I will teach you exactly, step-by-step what to do, here…***
Laurel really hit the nail on the head with this one. Sex is very much a personal choice, much like religion. No one is as qualified to make that decision as you are. If sex is all you’re looking for and you’ve communicated that with your date then, so be it. But like She said, be safe and be smart about it. If you’re too afraid to ask them about STD’s and how they feel about using contraceptives, then you might want to postpone the plunge a little longer.
One of the biggest regrets most people find themselves with is having sex for the wrong reasons. Don’t have sex to keep a relationship together or because you feel pressured. Do it because it’s what you want, and it feels right. If your intuition is hesitant about the decision and something feels off- trust yourself… something is probably off. You know you better than anyone else. If you’re a serial monogamist, then waiting until you’re in a committed relationship makes sense. But if you’re just looking to have a fun time and let go, then by all means- do it.
So if you’re not into “intuition,” you really feel like just doing it, but you feel like you need another way to gauge if now’s a good time. Ask yourself this question: “Am I sober?” Whether you’re sober or not makes a huge difference in decisions being made, and even more so when it comes to poor late night choices after you’ve had a little too much to drink. If you’re coherent and in the right state of mind, you’re more likely to make a decision you won’t soon regret.
After all Sex can be amazing on so many levels and it’s naturally inherent to want it. In a lot of cases it happens when two people feel so deeply connected emotionally that they want to connect on a physical level as well. Just make sure when you decide to say yes, you both know exactly what’s expected and are prepared to move forward regret free.