This might sound strange, but if you want to be good in bed, you have to be a little bit selfish.
1. Be Selfish!
Enjoy it. I mean really get into it, have fun, and enjoy every part of it! Take in the tastes and smells. Make it a full sensory experience! Luxuriate in the feeling of your skin against his. If a certain spot feels amazing, moan! Fact is, the more fun you’re having, the more you get into it, the better you will be, the sexier he will see you, the more he will get into it, the more he will want to please you, the better you will feel… it’s a spiral of goodness!
So what if you moan, sweat, or even queef on occasion (thanks to air being pressed inside of you, especially during doggy style)… sex is an “animal instinct,” so let yourself go, stop judging yourself, just feel good. Believe me, if you are uptight, you won’t fully enjoy the experience. Sex is the opposite of rigid. It is complete and utter release.
3. Stop Being so Insecure.
Little known secret: one of the ways to automatically be “good in bed” is to be more open to different positions and just have fun with the whole thing. Allow yourself to enjoy it, even if the position isn’t flattering. Stop thinking “does this position make my butt look big?” or “if I move like this I think it will look sexier.” Don’t move any way because you “think” it will look good, and don’t not move a certain way because you “think” it will look bad. Just move! He is not thinking about your cellulite, how big or small your boobs look, if you would be slightly skinnier if your leg was angled differently. All he is thinking about is how AMAZING you feel. Unless, of course, he sees how uncomfortable in your own skin you are acting, then you are instantly pulling him out of how good it feels and you are making him think about your cellulite, boob size, and skinniness.
4. Move! Don’t be a Dead Fish.
Get into it to. Even if a particular position isn’t going to get you there, have fun and enjoy it. It’s like a rollercoaster ride. Some people love the drops, others the upside down, others the fast straight aways, but the whole thing can be fun. You’re not sitting there on a rollercoaster refusing to enjoy it unless it’s your favorite part are you? It’s a pretty commonly said thing that “hot chicks” don’t feel like they have to work at it in bad, so they are bad lays, while not so hot chicks are great in bed because they are trying to compensate. Same goes for hot guys.
Communicating your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to try, what you don’t like that much, your favorite position, where and how to move… talk about it! I’m not saying to lecture or give a speech. But talk. Have a fun back and forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex too. If he can’t get you to orgasm, help him! In the midst of it you can guide him a little, give him “I like it when…” direction or “I want you to f**k me like this…” Don’t be pushy. Don’t be insulting. But help guide.
6. TAKE NOTES
Being great in bed is learned- through practice, guidance, paying attention to the guys sounds and moves, and books. Not sure if you’re good? ASK!
If you want to be amazing in bed, you’ve got to take notes. Ask him:
“What did you most like?”
“Did you like when I did that swirling trick with my tongue?”
“Do you like it better when I use my hands too or just my mouth?”
“Did you like when I cupped your balls in my hand?”
“What can I do differently, better, stop doing all together?”
BUT, don’t ask your guy how you did or how you’re doing during or even immediately after sex. Instead, ask a few hours later, maybe at dinner, at breakfast, before falling asleep when just laying together in bed chatting at night, in a bath… somewhere that you are both relaxed, open, focused on each other, and interested in communicating. Then say: “I really loved our sex today. It seemed like you liked it when I did ——–. What else did you like? What about when I go down on you, what do you like the best that I do? I want to make you feel good. What should I focus on more? What don’t you like as much? I won’t get upset, I really do want to know what you like and don’t like.”
See… you start with the good, and ease into asking about the bad. The reason? He might think it’s weird at first that you want to be criticized, not realizing that it can be constructive, that you won’t get mad (DO NOT GET MAD AND USE THIS AGAINST HIM!), and that you truly would like his direction.
Here’s the key: You have to take your ego out of it.
7. OPEN YOUR MOUTH
Dirty Talk. It will instantly change your sex life. More than you talking, you’ve got to get your guy to start talking. In fact, the guy should do 95% of the talking. How do you get him to open his mouth? Be the example. You first. Fact is that adding dirty talking into your sexual routine will allow you to orgasm longer, harder, and more! It is so powerful that once your guy really gets the hang of it, he can completely control your orgasm- telling you when and how hard to orgasm.