Do you know your worth?
Can you say out loud, affirm, and believe- “My needs are valid!” Do you believe it?
Until you realize, accept, believe, and own that you are a high quality, worthy women, whose needs are valid and should be heard… no one else will believe it either.
And when you do… you’ll be unstoppable.
But first, you need to know what your needs are. And if you’re like most women, you have no idea. Isn’t that sad? It is. It’s sad that you don’t know, that you haven’t taken the time to listen to yourself, to tap into your core, to hear, and really listen to what you need. I’m not talking about what you need based on insecurity, self doubt, “should,” anger, resentment, hurt, or an attempt to please another. Strip all of that off, strip down naked to your core- to your confidently vulnerable needs. Take a breath. Exhale. Drop your shoulders. Release the muscles in your neck and jaw. Stop thinking. Stop trying. Stop doing. Just… Be. Be present in this moment. WHAT DO YOU NEED?
Once you know what you need, then it’s about integrity. Self integrity. You might think you know what that is, and you might have a long definition and explanation for it. But the way to really look at integrity is this:
Do my feelings, match my words, match my actions?
Is there a disconnect or a break within that statement for you? It’s ok if there is. That’s common. And that’s exactly what you need to address. Because once you have integrity, once you stand for something, once you assert your needs- which doesn’t and shouldn’t mean being a bitch…. Then you’re unstoppable. Once you have a purpose, and you act on your purpose, then your needs will be met and you will be showing your worth. And then… others will treat you as if you are worthy. But it all starts with you. Be the example of your expectation of others.
It takes courage. And the root of courage? Core. Courage isn’t about going off to war, saving a family from a burning home, putting yourself in the line of fire, or doing superhuman tasks. It’s simply about being true to your core. And that’s scary. Because that requires vulnerability. It takes courage to tap into your stripped down raw self, then act on it. It takes courage to be you… without fear of judgment, hurt, or failure.
When it comes to dating, do you know what two of the sexiest traits a woman can have are? Confidence and Integrity.
A confident woman knows her worth. She takes pride in herself, which is apparent through her attitude and appearance. She isn’t looking for approval from guys. She knows she’s pretty great. She also knows that the right guy will be very lucky to be with her because she has the ability to make him happier than any other woman can. But she’s not a bitch about it.
Fact is, guys want to feel like they won the prize, like they are dating the head of the cheerleading team. They want to feel like they are the luckiest guy in the room. Just as he wants you to be proud of him, he wants to be proud of you. If you have a bummer, insecure, self-deprecating, “I’m not so great” attitude, why would he feel like he scored? Whether it’s your looks, brain, triumphs, the respect you garner, your career, or simply how you push yourself through pain points and get out of box, he wants to feel like he can show you off…. He needs to know that he can confidently “bring you home to mom,” introduce you to his friends, and accompany him to business dinners his boss- because you make him look good.
Do you have integrity, and the strength to act on it. Are you strong in your values and beliefs? Or do you waver, fluctuate, appear wishy washy or easily influenced? Who are you? What do you believe in? Do you stand by it? Do you have integrity? Or are your words and beliefs worthless? Can he depend on what you say? Do your actions align with your words? A woman who has unshakable beliefs, who shows and tells the same story, is someone who makes a man feel safe. A feeling of safety is one of the most crucial elements when it comes to a man’s ability to trust, let his guard down, and open his heart completely. He knows that he can depend on you for good or for bad, in sickness and in health, weakness and triumph. In moments of uncertainty, the one thing that he can be certain of is you- because you are certain of you.
Do that. Do you. Be confidently vulnerable. Nothing more. And you are unstoppable. Why? Because then you will stand for something, and have the confidence to back it up. You will expect and even require more from others, because you now expect and deliver more from yourself. You will quickly realize that you have been settling for crumbs, and selling yourself short. You deserve more than that. And the second that you realize that, you will GET better than that. Because you won’t accept less than you deserve.